The Moon Full and High

Day one of admitting I am in fact a superstar of the human race has been a bit mundane. 

The fullness and closeness of the moon makes me feel I should embrace my ancestoral wiccan roots and do something.  But what?

Light a candle?  Say a prayer?  Dance in my backyard naked?
Would the dancing still count if I covered myself in bug repellent?

The children are bored being home. Some of them at least.

I am happy to be back and have already made preliminary plans for a rather large change.  This I will get to later as to not want to ruin any chances.  Superstitous I know.  Maybe it's the moon.

Tonight I begin to toss away the literal baggage.  I have two exceedingly large trash cans and I plan on going through my closet and tossing with abandon.  (Yes I will donate).  Toss away the clothes  my body has not donned in over 8 months.  Goodbye useless space taking threads.

Change begins within.  My within no longer wants to hold on to "Promise Clothes"

I Promise I will fit into that dress by summer. I Promise those shoes will get worn.  I promise to wear that tankini again and not frighten small children out of the water.

Goodbye false promises.

Here is what I promise, when (not if) I am able to wear with pride a tankini I will treat myself and buy a new one.

One more child is moving out and my house will grow larger as my family grows smaller. 

I will make my plans to achieve my goals.  And because I am a rockstar of the human race I will make them all happen.

It is about time I realize my worth. Stand up and speak.  Say "No More clothes that no longer fit staring at me whenever I slide my closet doors open!"

One small step to being the rockstar I am inside.

(as a note, I have no desire to actually BE a rockstar.  I can't sing, and play no instruments.  The term is simply meant to reflect that I need to embrace my successes in life, rather wallow in the failures.)

Charlie Sheen is on to something

I'd like to take a moment to thank all of my readers for following me on to this new chapter in my life.  I am bewilderwed and blessed that so many of you have offerred encourangement, support and interest in this thing I call my life.  Now...on with the new Blog!



I am usually the first one to admit when I have made a mistake.  I may not say it, and only silently admit it, but aware of my faults I am.

A change has taken over me in the past few months.  To me if feels as if this change has hit me like a freight train.  Other people may see no change at all. 

I could thank dozens of people and mishaps that have altered my thinking.  But I will save that for the dedication page of the book that will surely result from all this living I have been doing.

I realized very recently that I have not been living at all.  For eight years I have bemoaned my own existence instead of embracing it.  I will not regret the time lost, I will forge ahead and embrace the time present and future.

I am going to shed, shred, and discard.  The shedding of tears is done.  The shedding of excess weight begins.  The discarding of past, both emotional and physical will take place.

I am done with grieving.  A wise woman directed me to a brilliant article about why we write about grief.  She also pointed me in the direction of becoming aware that grief is a one way street.  A one sided conversation.  A weight I have been living under and using as a cloak to what could be my real (and scary) life.  No more.

I begin this new chapter with a joyful and open heart. 

And I must admit some trepidation at what I am getting myself into.   It is so easy to hide in a room.  Hide under excess weight.  Hide in the comfortable past.

I am done.  I am done being a martyr for a husband who would hate me being a martyr.  I am done hiding.  It is time to recalim the spotlight in my life.

It is time to live for me.  I have amazing accomplished children who occasssionally fuck up.  I have my own share of fuck ups as well.  We all do.  I hope that my children will learn, and go on.

As with any journey there will be setbacks, roadtraps and the ugly tasks I wont want to do.  I am determined to do them with head held high, and quit bitching.

Oh yes, I will tackle the issue of my thighs, and work towards separating them from one another.

This will be literal, spiritual, and emotional.

Buckle up, I am glad to have you along for the ride.

Take bigger bites!