Ahhh spring. A time where everyone in the world seems to want to couple up and shed their heavy sweaters for heavy petting.
Women doff their boots and make pedicure appointments.
The world seems full of music, from love songs on the radio to the extremely annoying mockingbird outside my window. Honestly I am about to put an add on craiglsist to find the damn bird a mate.
As for me, I am finding more and more balance in my life. I have had to reel myself in a few times and recognize that I was over enthusiastic about a few things.
Work. I took on working two eleven hour days a week along with my normal days. I burned out quickly and even began daydreaming of a new career.
Instead I took a moment and saw what I was doing. Falling back into the pattern I have become so accustomed to.
All or Nothing. Thinking in the moment without thinking of ramifications. Why get one dog when three is so much better? Why workout once a day when I can two or three times? Why not work more than full time?
Fortunately I saw this potential train wreck happening and was able to put the brakes on before losing my job, my sanity, and any motivation I had for real change.
There are people very near to me who are embracing the "Be Here Now" philosophy to an extreme. Some to the extent of foregoing their responsibilities in exchange for just themselves. This has never set well with me.
Living in the moment is a good thing, except for when it isn't. Again this brings in balance. I am eating very healthy now, probably for the first time in my life. I eat well, except for when I don't. I do not work out. I move. I dance for a few minutes, or maybe twenty. I put no time limit or restriction. I need no special clothing to dance. I just need to be moved to do so.
Back when I used to run everyday I found it to be a complete high. I had a routine, and sneakers, a special playlist on my ipod, or walkman, it was a routine and a regime.
Regime. This is what I see happening with too many people. It has to be a certain way or no way. One person may believe that to lose weight you must do XYZ. They become obsessed, talk about it, flaunt it, preach it.
One person may believe to find themselves they must leave all worldly possessions behind and physically relocate.
I have always been an advocate for finding the peace where you are. To me that is being here now. FInding the balance with what you have been given, or what you have chosen. Yes I dream of leaving sometimes and starting all over again, but to what end? I would still be me and still have the same issues.
After a long cold winter, (or in the case of Texas a short sporadic winter with a few sharp cold snaps) everyone wants to get up and don their spring attire. Some will take on new regimes, or move away, or move their bodies, or sing to attract a mate.
I will be patiently finding balance.
Sometimes change happens by not pushing so hard for it. By not trying to overachieve. Does this make me a slacker? Perhaps. But my quest is to get out of the immediate gratification, and look for the long term sustainable achievements.
In the 1970's there was a movement called EST. I have no idea what it stands for but I know for my mother it involved a weekend long "life altering" event which included screaming into a pillow and crying about her mother.
Her "change" lasted a few weeks at best, and she was back to herself, which needed no improving in the first place.
I have been to a Tony Robbins seminar, I have done weekend meditations, I have spent summers at a fat camp. All teach immediate gratification. Immediate change.
The only immediate change I want at this given moment is a BB Gun to shoot down the annoying mocking bird.
I have goals, but no regime. I do what I can when I can.
I Dance when I can and want to, don't when I don't.
I Do my job when I am at work, not worry about it when I am not.
I Kiss my lover when we are together, not overanalyze when we are not.
My balance is not in the mottos shoved down our throats daily of "Just Do It" or "Today is the first day of the rest of your life" or "Go for 100% or nothing at all".
I am happy in the middle.
For now, I will Just Do It, except when I am not.
