I broke my golden rule of summer and looked at the news. Normally I stay away from it and instead watch Tremors two times in a row. Kevin Bacon, tight jeans, cowboy boots, always seems like a good idea to me.
Alas, I awoke early and did not turn on the TV, I did not want to wake Meredith. I am not in a book reading mood, as I am in the middle of three at the moment and could not pick one without feeling I am hurting the other two book's feelings. Yes I anthropamorphize my literature.
I picked up my tablet and immediately went to the news folder. Here is what I learned:
The Juggalos are a misunderstood group. Go ahead and google it, I had to.
Cam girls are asked to do some crazy ass shit, but they get paid for it.
Another idiot tried getting high trying to smoke his wife's ashes.
People apparently care what James Franco thinks about.
part two, people also care about what Justin Bieber and whats his face are fighting about.
NYPD killed another man, and I will see the Law and Order SVU version of it sometime in September.
A new site where teens can make each other even more miserable and insecure than they already are. Owner of site doesn't give a shit.
George Bush doesn't know much about his own father, which will not stop him from hiring a ghost writer to write a tell all.
Now, on to the more disturbing news, which on every site comes after the aforementioned "news"
No rest in the middle east
Ebola outbreak at an all time high and one infected woman is being flown to Atlanta for a treatment that does not exist. This I became fixated on.
Yes I am more likely to set my ex on fire (kidding) than I am to get ebola, that does not matter to a person who takes their book's feelings into consideration. I now go off the beaten path of news and begin to research all I can about ebola.
After I have thoroughly convinced myself that I have ebola and will surely be dead in a matter of minutes I take a deep breath, a xanax, and go back to the lighter side of news.
Cosmopolitan thinks Lesbians have sex like a bizarre cirque de solei act. We don't.
According to a quiz I am the iceberg in the movie Titanic.
Parental Awards Go To: the couple that hired a surrogate, who had twins, only take the healthy one and leave the one with downs syndrome in another country.
The mom who lit her husband on fire for molesting her daughter.
The mom teaching her three year old how to twerk.
The dad who left his children in the car while he went to work.
And the winner goes to an 80 year old woman who refuses to sell her house for a new development , sits on front porch with a shot gun, hey she is a Texan, what did they think would happen?
Today I will not think about ebola, I will not think about wars, I will not think about how a lake can mysteriously appear in the middle of the desert, nor will I send the link to that article to my mother in law in Arizona.
As I look up from where I am sitting at the head of my dining room table I see books instead of place mats. 501 French Verbs, some Dean Koontz book, an the Survival Guide to the Paranormal.
I am fairly certain I hear Kevin Bacon calling me.
As a nod to the news I wont be reading, and to Walter,"And that's the way it is."
