"I want to talk to you about sex."
This is a good opening line for talking with your child about sex. Preferably this conversation should take place when you have them trapped in a car going at a high speed so they don't contemplate jumping out. They will still contemplate, but odds are they wont follow through if you are going fast enough.
Keep in mind that talking to them about sex gives them the same feeling you get trying to imagine your own parents having sex. In their mind if you are talking about sex than it means you may have actually had sex once, and that is the last thing they want to imagine.
For me, I have always chosen the absolute most embarrassing and blunt way I could possible. If we are going to do this conversation we are not going to beat around the bush and no pussyfooting.
Here are the basics I have tried to instill in my children:
Masturbation is A-okay
Do not let anyone pressure you into it.
Do not pressure anyone else into it.
Know how to please yourself so you can communicate that to your partner.(see first rule)
I don't care at all if you are gay or bi, I just want you happy.
Those are the basics. But how do you explain the smallest of innuendos a person will run across in a lifetime? How do you explain the difference between harmless flirting and flirting with intention?
Most importantly how to properly convey that sex will always be more intense when there is an emotional connection?
During some girl talk recently it was revealed to me that two people I know were planning on hooking up. They had been acquaintances some time back but have never had a sexual relationship. This arrangement intrigues me. They are both consenting adults and can do as they please.
What I find curious is that they both have agreed it will be a one night only arrangement. Going in to something knowing it will go absolutely no further than one night seems unromantic and slightly depressing to me. For all the failings I have had in love, I still believe in love. I want everyone I know to have the love I have experienced in my lifetime.
I am a very liberal person, and I am not against this prearranged sexual encounter. I see it as more interesting than anything else.
I have experienced sex without an emotional connection before and while it was fine, looking back it felt more like masturbation, only with someone else there.
Then there is the age/ life/work factor that can come into play. I am too old to not voice my desires, I am too busy to commit, and to some degree it has to be quick as usually there are kids that will need a ride, or have been left at home. The days of lingering in bed taking in my lover piece by piece as if all time has stopped is now an illusion.
In my life sex can begin with a text message and carry on through a day, a week, a year. Sometimes it comes to fruition, and sometimes not.
Sunday mornings with The New York Times, laying naked in bed having coffee, talking and making love have been replaced with short interrupted or awkward attempts.
Life becomes more complex. Days do not seem endless, time has not stopped still.
So maybe a prearranged meeting is not the worst thing. Maybe foreplay can take place for them in the waiting for the moment.
I still wonder how satisfying it would be without the emotional connection. I also wonder how it will end. A scene from a bad movie where one slips out awkwardly while the other one sleeps? A conversation while getting dressed that in no way acknowledges what just happened? A text message hours later saying, "Hey that was awesome."?
If I am lucky my friend will divulge all the details to me, and I will know the answer.
Next time I have one of my children trapped in the car I will add to my list of things I want to tell them about sex. That is, before we reach a red light and they bail:
Try to be in love with the person. Make the world stop for just the two of you. Feel like no one else has ever felt what you are feeling.
And for God's sake wear a condom.
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