Sermon on the Mount

In The Sermon on the Mount Jesus asks of us at one point to turn the other cheek to our enemies.  I am taking here from a website to further elaborate.


'In everyday speech, the phrase "turn the other cheek" is often used to mean something like "turn away from aggression and ignore it rather than retaliate." Morality lessons that teach turning the other cheek as a good or Christian value would typically emphasize nonviolence and non-confrontation.
The most straightforward reading of the passages in Matthew and Luke, however, suggests that the phrase has a more radical meaning: a command to respond to aggression by willingly exposing oneself to a further act of aggression rather than retaliating, retreating, or ignoring it."- Wikipedia

To turn away from aggression seems like such an easy thing to do.  To offer up the other cheek so that it too may be inflicted upon is not so easy.

I have learned something new and quite frankly something I am not very proud of in the last few weeks. I have learned that I can let my anger get the better of me.

When I told a friend of mine that I got into an all out argument with another friend, she was shocked.  I gave no details, but did confess that I said things I could not even believe I was saying.  My friend was stunned and replied, "But you are one of the most peaceful patient people I know."

I thought so too.

How do I reconcile what I thought to be true about myself as being the peacekeeper with the blatant fact that I can lower my own dignity to the point where I am hurling insults with as much gusto as spitting out watermelon seeds?

I have not offered the other cheek.  In either meaning.  I have not offered it as a means of walking away from aggression, nor have I offered it up for more pain from my accuser .

This shames me.

I can make excuses that I did not start with the immaturity level to which I sank, but it does not deflect that I sank there.

Knowing now that I am capable of being so cruel to a person, deserving or not, is frightening to me.  I did not know I had this within me.

I am used to be the hurt one, the martyr, the one who will cry out "Woe is me."  yet I shed that skeleton a  long time back.  I am no longer the victim in my life.

Bad shit happens.  So make a bumper sticker out of it and call it a day.

People are resilient, and bounce back.  I always have.  I have travelled around the economic scale more than willy Loman travelled and peddled his wares.  And what have I gained from it?  An appreciation of a good job, the blessings of having been loved by a good husband, and apparently an untapped anger just beneath the surface.

Willy Loman was an optimist to the end.  He turned the other cheek, time and time again.  For both punishment and to avoid aggression.  But we think of our friend Willy as a tragic hero.

Now I am in possession of an anger that can manifests in words used to hurt.  To hurt someone to the core.

I have accused good friends of being bad friends, I have replied to angry words with even more vicious ones.  For a time I actually enjoyed it.  I enjoyed saying the words I knew would cause pain. I made things up just to add more salt to an open wound.

Then I stopped.

Who am I?  I am not this person.  Surely I know the better path to take.  Surely I know the way of peace and love to offer.  Surely I know how to turn my cheek in submission to more pain on the other side.

That was not my reaction though.  It was not the path I chose.  When I should have been enjoying the company of my children on a rare night out I stewed.  I tried to deflect.  I tried to think of love, and peace, and be in the moment surrounded by the people I cherish the most.  I was successful for the duration of our time together.

I have heard the phrase "toxic people" so many times I think the phrase itself is toxic.  I was allowing myself to be toxic. I allowed myself to be treated unfairly and respond in the same manner.

The calm and peaceful me which is represented almost most of the time does not scare me.

What scares me is now I know I am capable of being the one demanding the other cheek.  I am capable of inflicting the pain. I am scared at how quickly I can retaliate instead of retreating.

It is easy to learn lessons about ourselves that match the image we create.  It is much harder to recognize the demon within.