I Can Do This!

I have been accused of relishing in drama.  This accusation was stated some time back and I have been ruminating on it ever since.  Wondering if it is true.

Do I create drama?

I believe I have found the answer.  It is not a situation of drama that I thrive in, but rather one of chaos.

I will call upon my good friend Webster to step in here and define.

Drama:a state, situation, or series of events involving interesting or intense conflict of forces

Chaos:: a state of things in which chance is supreme; especially : the confused unorganized state of primordial matter before the creation of distinct forms

By my nature I am not a person of conflict with other people.  Within myself there is always conflict going on, regarding my thoughts, actions, beliefs.  Even that does not qualify as drama.

I am a person who tends to thrive in chaos.  Chaos has a chance to unfold and become un-chaotic.  Then in a cyclical fashion it will begin again.

I  use the example of my house.  Many times chaos abounds, the house is messy, I am often frantically searching for my car keys or some other lost object.  The house will eventually be cleaned, until it reverts back into a state of chaos once again.

There is no drama in that.  A sink full of dishes causes no drama.

The house that I grew up in was always filled with chaos.  People coming and going, family, friends, my brothers all playing different musical instruments in different rooms creating a cacophony of sounds.

My house and my children are much the same way.  I hear the door open and close and always wonder who is here or leaving now.  I enjoy this.  I thrive in it.  Chaos has an electric charge that gets me up and about and wandering in the midst of it.

Drama brings me down to a state of being where all I would prefer to do is hide until it all goes away.

Like a child seeking comfort from a storm when drama arrives I will hide.

"Mommy, there is Drama outside and it's loud, I'm going to stay in here with you."

Chaos on the other hand says, "Wake up and see this thing forming.  Watch these dynamics floating about your midst. Take witness to the change and the formation as things drift about, reach out grab something and put it in its place."

 I can sit in the midst of chaos and laugh at it all.

Drama is a breed entirely of its own,  Eric having cancer was not drama.  Yes it ended in tragedy, but the battle of it was more chaotic than dramatic.

I may cause drama on occasion and most often when I do, I am the one who suffers the most from it.

Not too long ago I wrote about my sisters in law and the drama that they were in.  I was not a key actor in that play.  My part was minor and would most certainly end up on the cutting room floor.  I was witness to it.

I did have drama with my brothers that I took part in the creation of.  I hated it.  I knew it would end, and looked forward to the end of it more than anything else.

I feel at peace having discovered that I am not a person who thrives in drama.

I choose chaos.

When I wake up in the morning and look in the mirror my head of curls is usually in a very chaotic afro like state.  I may choose to tame them with a flat iron, or wet them down so they might reform into the neat spirals, but I know by the end of the day the afro will be back and chaos on my head will resume.

My children love my hair and all the crazy things it can do.  I also love it.

What other choice does a woman like me with chaotic curls do but embrace it?

From drama I will remove myself as quickly as possible.

Chaos is a call to arms, and I gladly pick up my sword, or broom, or hair product and proclaim, "I can do this!"