Love.
Are there rules when it comes to love? I actually do have a few rules for when it comes to saying "I love you." They may be silly, they may not always hold true, but as a basic guideline for an emotion that possesses no set rules in its very nature, I have added a few.
If you are saying "I love you" for the first time, it wont count if it is said during or immediately after sex.
Never say it for the first time over a text message.
If you mean it, say it. Do not cheapen it with abbreviations. "I luv u" or worse, "Luv ya!"
The love I am talking about is the romantic kind. Not the love we have for our children, families, or friends. I have friends that I love immensely. I may not talk to them on a daily basis, or even monthly but the love remains, and it is uncomplicated and pure.
Romantic love is messy. Not all messes are bad things.
When I was married the first time I loved my husband, but we mistook our love for more than it really was. I have no regrets. One of the reasons I wanted to leave that marriage was I felt I wasn't loved enough. I wanted more. I felt I deserved more. I wanted to be the world to someone, so that when we were together nothing else mattered.
The precursor to love is the fun stuff. The butterflies, the lingering phone calls of "no you hang up first", the songs dedicated to each other. (funny how during this stage every song has at least one lyric that is suitable.)
This is the time where our personal hygiene is improved tenfold, and attention to detail is key. We want to know everything about the other person. Just to linger in their thoughts. Discover our common interests and if you are a woman, start thinking things like, "Well I guess I could go to a _______ (football game, symphony, bowling match...whatever is something they like and you may not.)
How a love begins is not a true representation of how a love will continue or how it may end. Eventually you will leave the room when the game is on, you will opt to stay home with a good book and miss the symphony. This does not mean you love the person any less. It simply means you have found the space to still be you within the relationship.
I spoke with an old love of mine not too long ago. I say she was a love of mine, as I was not her love. She has found happiness and love again in her life with someone that was her first love. She commented, "How lucky am I that I had the chance to spend almost 30 years with someone I loved deeply and now I get to finish out the rest of my life with my first love?" Lucky indeed.
I smiled for her though she could not see my smile. I delighted with her, and I made a mental note that I would not be that fortunate as she was my first love, but did not know that.
I have become a master of unrequited love. I choose it. I do not seek it out, but on some level I must be representing myself in such a way that all I attract are unavailable people.
I have fallen in love with women who at one time offered me their souls and I rejected them, only to 30 years later realize what I had missed. It is easier for me to give my heart to someone when I know it will eventually be broken.
I am a sucker for tragedy.
Having said that, I have had the kind of love that so many people seek for and never find. I have been loved in such a fierce way and able to return it. I know what reciprocal love feels like, and how wonderful it is to lay in bed with someone laughing after years of being together.
If the rest of my life is filled with only half loves, and just the beginning part of butterflies and lingering phone calls, then so be it. I can not complain.
Take my number, take my hand, take my heart, and know that if I say "I love you" I mean it. In that moment, in that space I am yours. Hold on to that because it may not last. When you let go of my hand, lose my number, and fill that space with someone else, a part of me will still hold you dear.
Because I loved you.
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