"Someday Amy that mouth of yours is going to get you in trouble." These words were uttered by my mother, starting at about the time I was five I believe.
I have a tendency to say things bluntly at times. This has tempered in the years that I have lived in Texas and I have adapted a more Southern way. The Southern way is just as blunt, but somehow sugar coated.
Instead of saying, "Wow that coat looks like shit on you." The Southern way would be, "Fabulous coat Honey! I think it is ready to be passed down to your daughter. OOH! This means shopping for us!"
I currently and for the last few days have not really been able to speak. My voice is shot. This usually happens after a long weekend of working, smoking too much, lack of sleep, or just my karma telling me it is time to keep my mouth shut.
A funny thing happens when you literally can not speak. You are forced to listen. At first it is frustrating because you want to put your own ego or agenda in the mix of a conversation. A very annoying feeling, especially if you are in a conversation where you believe yourself to be correct and the person talking to be incorrect.
I have no voice. I am now in a position to listen. To really hear what someone else has to say. To put my own thoughts aside and take in their point of view.
About 12 years ago when Eric was really sick during the holidays I called in his family to come celebrate with us, seeing that it might be the last holiday we would all be together. I developed laryngitis. I felt fine, just could not at all speak.
This allowed for Eric and his siblings to bond without interruption from me. This allowed me to not get pissed off at his brother and just let things slide. Still that year I managed to put my foot in my mostly quite mouth. A discussion of photography came up, a topic I am greatly interested and opinionated in. I managed to muster out a few words of how I dislike one particular photographer. Sure enough come Christmas morning I open a gift from Eric's brother and it is a calendar of photos from the one photographer I publicly declared in half whisper that I loathed.
Even with no voice I was still able to be arrogant, ashamed, and left with no room to back peddle at all.
Right now what little voice I have is being used for work. Arranging a model for a photo shoot, talking to my mom, and calling back clients. Reassuring all that I do not have consumption, bronchitis, or mesothelioma. I just have a sore throat most likely from talking too much and not listening enough.
If I did not have a cell phone where I could text all the words my mouth can't utter I would be 100% in the listening zone.
I think I need to spend more time in that zone. It is good that I can not speak. I only benefit from listening more and actually choosing my words more wisely.
I have a friend who challenges me always to think more. No matter how I may beg for her advice or tutelage, she will usually come back with, "Think about it."
You can talk to me. I will listen. I will take the time to put my ego aside and hear what you are saying. I will think about it.
Sometimes all we need is someone to just listen. No more. When my voice is back I will make more of an effort to check my words, Southern or not, and take a moment to listen.
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