Boxes sit in the garage waiting to be packed. Thus far the only actual motions I have gone through to prepare to move are mental.
How do I let go? How do I discard the comfortable familiar for the unknown?
I now know this is the question that has held me back in so many ways for such a long time.
I have felt a change in the winds on my neck and it came to me as I stood comfortably in a hallway, that letting go is the easy part.
How do you let go?
You just do.
I have bemoaned my actions and reactions to the point where it cuts to a comforting darkness.
Today, I am resolute in my thoughts and decisions.
Today I leave the darkness behind and follow through with actions.
Today I let go.
Holding a sobbing child in my arms I cried for and with her. I cried for the pain she feels that I can not stop. I cried for the losses she has endures. I cried the for the very glory of her existence.
For her I let go. For her and all the others I have held in my arms crying I let go. For the ones who I can no longer hold I let go.
For the one who wants to hold me, I have to let go so that she can have that chance.
I sit here and I write and I find it difficult not to giggle. There is a spirit I can feel emanating from my body right now that I can no longer contain.
Today I know what I have been thinking about and dreaming about, mentally packing for has arrived.
It is not a moving van, or a signed lease, that has arrived.
I have arrived.
With this arrival comes letting go.
I let go of the past. I am ready.
What arrived today was one simple sentence.
It is with this sentence that I will leave you as I prepare for the next step, the next chapter. It is with this sentence that I put an end to some things and begin new ones. Is is with this sentence I say good bye.
I am happy.
Amy. How lucky I am to have known someone who was so hard to say goodbye to? :)
ReplyDeleteTake the good..leave the bad..is what I am doing. You..and your accomplices ;) are in God's hands...and what better place? We all only part to meet again.
Adieu,
V
PS. I have been holding onto this domain name for way too long. I have no use for it..its yours..always was..just say the word and its yours.
ReplyDeleteand btw..doesn't matter if you are running..as LONG as you are not running from YOURSELF!
ReplyDeleteand btw..it was not the action themselves..it was the continual and constant lies..and the gossip and drama. Had you been honest and forthright..much of this would not have happened. Once trust is broken...it is extremely hard to regain. Live and learn.
ReplyDelete