The first day of a new year. People have placed such an emphasis on New Year's Eve, making resolutions, and attending parties. I have never been one of these people.
I tend to become more introspective on and around my birthday. That is my own New Year marker. New Year's has never been anything to me than another mundane holiday barely worth celebrating.
Pessimistic? Maybe. I began a quest to find out what other people think of the holiday. I was surprised to find out that I am in the minority of those I polled. Most rather like the holiday and see it as a chance for new beginnings, new starts, new promises.
Am I supposed to give up vices I have spent years perfecting?
Isn't every day that we manage to wake up, take a breath and get out of bed a time for new starts and promises?
Do I have to call Jenny Craig on one day a year?
While quizzing one friend she mentioned that she would be going out, getting drunk and possibly hooking up with someone.
"So you want to start the new year hung over with a person in your bed?" She laughed and said there was worse ways to start a year.
Another person told me her goal was to have sex within the next three months. At least that was different than the usual lose weight, get in shape, get my finances together. I did not ask her how she planned on going about attaining this goal.
Some people want to get tattoos, have tattoos removed, move, travel, read more, eat less, buy a house. These are all worthwhile goals to be sure, but why do they have to be set on one night a year?
Shouldn't every day be a day of resolutions? Should we not try every day to be the best person we can possibly be?
We will not succeed every day. We will be grumpy, drive through a fast food lane in hopes of happiness in a milkshake. We will drink too much when we swore we would not. If that is the case then do we give up on all the goals?
Each day when I wake up I take inventory of what needs to be done for that given day. If there is room to add to the list then I do. However there are days when I look at the mental list and decide the best place for me is under the covers.
I like hearing stories about the way other people spend their New Year's Eve. Yesterday I spent half of the day preparing a group of women for a wedding, I spent the second half of the day helping a few friends pick out their outfits for their various evening plans.
Then I went home. I fell asleep early and the children woke me just before midnight. I counted down with them and celebrated in the streets with them lighting off sparklers.
I kissed no one. I made no resolutions. I burned my hand lighting a sparkler and my first outing of the New Year was to a Walgreens to get ointment and bandages.
When I woke up today all I wanted was coffee. But more than that I wanted someone to bring me coffee. Not because I feel entitled, or am spoiled, but because I wanted to have someone there who would have been thoughtful enough to make us coffee and we could sit in bed and enjoy the early afternoon together.
I know that I am okay alone. I know that should I remain alone for the rest of my life I will be okay. But that does not mean I do not have those moments where I feel lonely. Where the touch of another person feels palpably missing from my life.
New Years to me is just a reminder that I have not been invited to do anything more than help other people get ready to go out. Something on any other day I would give no second thought to.
Yes, I felt sorry for myself. I had a pity party for one, and I for one am glad it is over and we can all get on with our lives.
Every day is a day for resolutions. If I was going to give in and make one, it would be : To be as far away from Valentine's Day as possible.
Until then I will wake up, take a breath, and think about what I can accomplish with each day I am given. Today I hung the new calendar.
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